Friday, October 02, 2009

Nothing Into Truth

Here I am at the second week of reading The Joy Diet, along with all the others participating in the Next Chapter group, building on the practice of Nothing with the addition of Truth.
Specifically the Telling of Truth About Ourselves to Ourselves. Oh does this one ever ring a bell for me, deep down inside. All those easy pretty lies we tell ourselves in the moment can add up to a lifetime of delusion ,detachment and ultimately despair.

Of course this all comes down to one of my favorite phrases "Be Here Now", if you can be honest with yourself moment to moment, then the authentic experience of your life as you live it is filled with integrity. That integrity is what I like to feel as much as possible, it means I'm still "on the beam" or "on the right track". I know that this is something I'm always working on (I give myself the Continuous Self Improvement Award) because telling myself the truth 100% of the time isn't something I can do.

There are physical barriers that I have, where I have to on occasion, wall off part of myself to be able to survive a particularly painful cycle in the ongoing process of my condition. Luckily, the author, Martha Beck gives me a pass on this bit of self-lying: "There's nothing wrong with this; dissociation is an astonishgly useful psychological mechanism, one I've found to be lifesaving when I'm undergoing something unbearable, such as severe illness or a PTA meeting. However, it's possible to get stuck in a mental zone that offers virtually no access to genuine experience."

That's of course the key for me then, not getting stuck in the dissocation box, being able to bring myself back out to the truth as soon as I am able. This isn't always easy of course, just this past week I've been mired in the "Flu Experience", the truth of which is of course lots and lots of napping and coughing, not much else. So I wasn't able to get to the practice of questioning myself as this chapter asks us to ask ourselves after our 15 minutes of Nothing the following:
  • What Am I Feeling?
  • What Hurts?
  • What is the painful story I'm telling?
  • Can I be sure my painful story is true?
  • Is my painful story working?
  • Can I think of another story that might work better?
The answers this past week would have just been boring, very mundane riffs on how much my lungs hurt and why I don't like having a fever, etc.,blah,blah,blah. But now that I'm in sight of a non-flu-ridden existence I'm looking forward to quizzing myself and seeing just what Truth I am able to tell myself.

The above picture is a spooky pattern that my hose made on the deck, just after the first windstorm of fall knocked all the dead redwood leaves off the trees and the dried rose petals off the rose bush. I'm left wondering "What does this glyph signify for the month ahead?"


Jane said...

It feels good to be in the present. I'm glad you are benefiting from the book!! Happy weekend :)

City Girl said...

To me this chapter felt very familiar, likely because I try very hard to be present and honest with myself.

Linnea said...

To me, the glyph looks like a big question mark, which leaves it open to numerous interpretations.

Diva Kreszl said...

May you have great sucess on your journey through the Joy Diet!

Lisa said...

I love this... "That's of course the key for me then, not getting stuck in the dissocation box, being able to bring myself back out to the truth as soon as I am able."

I can so relate to that dance... I suppose that's part of the journey, eh?

Ellecubed said...

Thank you for sharing your experiences with truth. I think it is oh so important to remember that sometimes that stating that we feel sick can be our truth.

Karen D said...

Thanks for sharing your truth this week. I like the pattern the hose made, it is pretty cool. I have been in that dissociation box a time or two myself. ;-)

Grammy said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. I had it for moor than a month. Still have a bit in my lungs. I need to learn more about dissociation.
Have a great weekend.

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Glad you are benefitting from the book.