This week of reading The Joy Diet for The Next Chapter book reading/blogging group, made me realize that if I was marching in a protest march about myself and had to chant the usual chant:
What do we want?
When do we want it?
I would not know how to fill in the blanks!
Which helped me have one of those famous light bulb moments, no wonder I'm feeling so unresolved and at loose ends lately. I've not only lost track of the end goal for myself, I've become unmoored from what I even want. A very good thing to realize this, the pattern I've been in of loosely drifting from project to project and not feeling like I'm accomplishing all that much of great value is not serving me very well. After spending a week of asking myself the great questions in the book, I've not come to any firm conclusions, but I have established that it is time to establish a new pattern. A new pattern of continually questioning and exploring until I find the true desire of my heart, as Martha Beck says "pick a pebble, any pebble"
I think that one of the main take-aways from this chapter is that first we have to take the time to "identify, articulate and explore your heart's desires." And I found that this was hard to do honestly at first, it took me a while to stop B.S.ing myself because a lot of the answers to the desire question are buried deep deep under hardened layers of cynicism, negativity and fear. After I let myself in on the secret that this isn't a pass/fail test, but an ongoing process that I'm starting here, it was easier to let go of needing to be right the first time in my answer to myself. I also had to keep remembering that this is not about putting pressure on myself to be perfect and have to achieve the newly minted desires right now, right away, but that first I really have to know what I want before I can set about attaining it. So logical it almost makes sense!
That of course requires an inspirational theme song, this oldie but goodie from U2 came to mind immediately because of the title fitting the week's reading so well, the lyrics don't exactly fit the situation, but the intensity and high energy of the wanting and desire expressed in the song makes for a good get up and get going theme song: