The True Value of Play

"Has anyone seen Cinderella lately?"
Teeny tiny pumpkins with teeny tiny Snow White.
This seventh chapter of The Joy Diet was about Play and it was a real surprise to me.
I had pictured something more like the last chapter on Treats, but this was completely different and very useful. Getting down to what's really important in your life, answering the question "how do you want the world to be different when you're gone?" Whatever your reply is, that is what author Martha Beck calls your "real career". So then you have to realize that everything you do every day has to support the answer you give to that question. What else is there right? Just procrastination, straight-out avoidance and spending too much time in maintenance activities. "Playing the martyr by doing maintenance work that keeps you eternally away from your eagle goals may be your way of dodging the scary, exhilarating work of your real career."
Pshew, that's a big one isn't it? Well it was for me. But, now that I've got this idea down of switching between mouse view and eagle view of what I'm doing in the moment: "In Sioux Indian culture, the eagle symbolizes the ability to see distant goals and vast scenarios with great acuity. The mouse is a metaphor for the state of mind that focuses completely on the thing right in front of it, putting all its attention on exploring whatever it is with eyes, nose, whiskers, and tiny little paws"
I think it will now be easier to keep on my right path by staying loose, playful and experimenting with what works and gets me closer to what I really truly want to be doing, instead of making sure my kitchen sink is the cleanest and sparkliest ever.

The Reward of Treats

Two weeks ago I was supposed to be writing about the Treats chapter in The Joy Diet for the book blogging group The Next Chapter. But I hadn't read it yet. So I put it off until I could get to it after the busy-ness of Halloween,etc. I have to say I didn't get much out of this chapter as I have out of the other ones so far. This one is all about rewarding ourselves with treats as we take risks and make progress, at a minimum three times a day.

As I sat down and made my list of things that make me smile to help come up with some new treats, I had a hard time thinking of ones that I don't already use!

Here are some of the ones I already use:

Chocolate covered almonds which I only get to eat when I've been working in my studio,

a special tea that I can have when I've made phone calls I've been putting off

Wearing my favorite perfume even just for running errands

Buying cut flowers at the store just for having the beauty around.

None of these are earth shattering or unusual I would imagine, but I did find that I had to make an effort to remake them so that they would seem new enough to accomplish what The Joy Diet is all about.For example one of my main ones would be the treat of time to read. I already read so much already, it is such a big part of my life that I had to work hard at coming up with a way to make it a recognizably separate "treat". My solution there was to allow myself to read at times of the day when I usually would say it was a no-no, at first it felt kind of naughty curling up with a book at 10am when I'm usually in my most productive work period. But I didn't let myself read all day, and it did seem such an unusual treat to get to have that morning reading time that I did work harder before hand. Interesting how trainable we are isn't it?

I'm going to continue trying to rework the self-treating I already do in this way to keep it fresh and useful and inspiring, and hopefully that will end up training me to keep pursuing the risk taking of making new and unusual artwork, entering it in shows and pursuing other ways of getting my artwork seen.

I really liked author Martha Beck's discussion about smiling that ended with this:

"Smiling is very serious business to our bodies and hearts, and to practice this part of the Joy Diet, you must treat it with respect." No fakey smiling allowed here, only the real deal, that means something.

Risk Should Be Risky

This week's reading in The Joy Diet is all about risk, I can't wait to read what the other book bloggers at The Next Chapter have to say about this one. Challenging would be a good word to describe it. Uncomfortable, slightly terrifying and a little exhilarating. I realize how far into my shell I've climbed with reading this chapter and how much work I need to do to pull myself out and stop being a hiding snail.

When we go through the lists of what we've come up with as desires so far, and start to think about what risks are necessary to achive those desires, author Martha Beck points out that fear masquerades as many things: "anxiety, nervousness, uneasiness, outright terror. Work your creativity until you arrive at an idea that makes you shrink away, a little or a lot. The fear shows that you have reached the border of your personal comfort zone. You're about to push that border back and claim new territory in your own life, the only way you can: by taking risks."

I love that idea, that there is more territory that is available to me to claim and inhabit and use in my life. This whatever I have right now in front of and around me is not the be-all/end-all of what is possible for me, but to get to anything else, risks must be taken.

Further on in the chapter, Beck notes that "If you really put it to the test, you'll probably find that your comfort zone is arbitrary and irrational." I've never thought of that, but it definitely checks out. I could not make a coherent case to myself for why I hesitate to make this phone call, write that email or follow through with that idea. Holding myself apart and separate to prevent possible upset or disappointment just doesn't make must rational sense anymore, and I can't explain to myself why I was even doing it in the first place. Maybe that is OK, just to know that, and maybe I can now work on doing it all a little bit differently. I'll be glad to get rid of the feeling that I've tied myself up in barbed wire.

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt"

Defining Creativity

I didn't get around to posting this last Friday, but here is my take on the latest chapter of The Joy Diet, which I'm reading together with a bunch of other book bloggers at The Next Chapter.

This one is all about Creativity and I got a lot out of it, a surprising amount really since I think I spend a lot of time and energy on creativity as an artist.

I was really impressed first of all with author Martha Beck's definition of creativity or as she puts it: The Act Of Creation : the process of realizing - making real - events, objects, or relationships that originally exist only in our imaginations. This is a really new and more inclusive way of looking at creativity for me, instead of just limiting it to what I'm doing over in my studio, but in the whole rest of my life, (a lot of which of course affects what's going on in the studio.)

But this is crucial, especially if we take to heart one of the main message of this chapter that you are always responsible for creating your life whether you like it or not. Owning up to the fact that I am inherently and completely creative day to day, minute by minute, decision to decision is both inherently empowering and very scary too. It is very easy to forget this, and just bumble along from thing to thing without ever really taking this responsibility on and working out how I feel about it.

What is that lesson that Spiderman has to learn over and over again? "With great power, comes great responsibility", well Spidey, I'm right there with you in having to learn,re-learn and learn again this ultimate truth.

The part of this chapter that really helped me turn around my thinking that I'm helpless and ineffective in changing anything, or making better decisions was the exercise of challenging and changing your dichotomous thinking. Either/Or, Black/White, One Thing or The Other.

I'll write the exercise out here so you can try it, just fill in the blanks, and I bet you'll be amazed:

My Dichotomous Life

I can either be ____ or _____.

I can either have ______ or ______.

I can either do _______ or _______.

***now using the exact same things you've written above, fill this out:

My Creative Life

I intend to be both _____ and ______.

I intend to have both _____ and _______.

I intend to do both ________ and _______.

See, it is just that easy to figure this out, both things are going to happen, so start out with the intention that yes indeedy, both are going to occur, then you don't have to fight yourself about the "bad" one happening!

That's amazing to me, it was such a d'oh moment. I hope it is useful to you too!

Honesty and Desire

This week of reading The Joy Diet for The Next Chapter book reading/blogging group, made me realize that if I was marching in a protest march about myself and had to chant the usual chant:

What do we want?
When do we want it?
I would not know how to fill in the blanks!

Which helped me have one of those famous light bulb moments, no wonder I'm feeling so unresolved and at loose ends lately. I've not only lost track of the end goal for myself, I've become unmoored from what I even want. A very good thing to realize this, the pattern I've been in of loosely drifting from project to project and not feeling like I'm accomplishing all that much of great value is not serving me very well. After spending a week of asking myself the great questions in the book, I've not come to any firm conclusions, but I have established that it is time to establish a new pattern. A new pattern of continually questioning and exploring until I find the true desire of my heart, as Martha Beck says "pick a pebble, any pebble"

I think that one of the main take-aways from this chapter is that first we have to take the time to "identify, articulate and explore your heart's desires." And I found that this was hard to do honestly at first, it took me a while to stop B.S.ing myself because a lot of the answers to the desire question are buried deep deep under hardened layers of cynicism, negativity and fear. After I let myself in on the secret that this isn't a pass/fail test, but an ongoing process that I'm starting here, it was easier to let go of needing to be right the first time in my answer to myself. I also had to keep remembering that this is not about putting pressure on myself to be perfect and have to achieve the newly minted desires right now, right away, but that first I really have to know what I want before I can set about attaining it. So logical it almost makes sense!

That of course requires an inspirational theme song, this oldie but goodie from U2 came to mind immediately because of the title fitting the week's reading so well, the lyrics don't exactly fit the situation, but the intensity and high energy of the wanting and desire expressed in the song makes for a good get up and get going theme song:

Nothing Into Truth

Here I am at the second week of reading The Joy Diet, along with all the others participating in the Next Chapter group, building on the practice of Nothing with the addition of Truth.
Specifically the Telling of Truth About Ourselves to Ourselves. Oh does this one ever ring a bell for me, deep down inside. All those easy pretty lies we tell ourselves in the moment can add up to a lifetime of delusion ,detachment and ultimately despair.

Of course this all comes down to one of my favorite phrases "Be Here Now", if you can be honest with yourself moment to moment, then the authentic experience of your life as you live it is filled with integrity. That integrity is what I like to feel as much as possible, it means I'm still "on the beam" or "on the right track". I know that this is something I'm always working on (I give myself the Continuous Self Improvement Award) because telling myself the truth 100% of the time isn't something I can do.

There are physical barriers that I have, where I have to on occasion, wall off part of myself to be able to survive a particularly painful cycle in the ongoing process of my condition. Luckily, the author, Martha Beck gives me a pass on this bit of self-lying: "There's nothing wrong with this; dissociation is an astonishgly useful psychological mechanism, one I've found to be lifesaving when I'm undergoing something unbearable, such as severe illness or a PTA meeting. However, it's possible to get stuck in a mental zone that offers virtually no access to genuine experience."

That's of course the key for me then, not getting stuck in the dissocation box, being able to bring myself back out to the truth as soon as I am able. This isn't always easy of course, just this past week I've been mired in the "Flu Experience", the truth of which is of course lots and lots of napping and coughing, not much else. So I wasn't able to get to the practice of questioning myself as this chapter asks us to ask ourselves after our 15 minutes of Nothing the following:

• What Am I Feeling?
• What Hurts?
• What is the painful story I'm telling?
• Can I be sure my painful story is true?
• Is my painful story working?
• Can I think of another story that might work better?

The answers this past week would have just been boring, very mundane riffs on how much my lungs hurt and why I don't like having a fever, etc.,blah,blah,blah. But now that I'm in sight of a non-flu-ridden existence I'm looking forward to quizzing myself and seeing just what Truth I am able to tell myself.

The above picture is a spooky pattern that my hose made on the deck, just after the first windstorm of fall knocked all the dead redwood leaves off the trees and the dried rose petals off the rose bush. I'm left wondering "What does this glyph signify for the month ahead?"

A Week Filled With Nothing

Well this was my first week with Nothing as one of my daily things to accomplish. As I predicted it turned out to be hard to actually do, or attempt, or schedule. But I can say that on the days that I did manage to do, think and be nothing for 15 full minutes, I felt more calm, less frazzled, more focused and dare I say happier.
As Martha Beck describes in her book, "The Joy Diet" that I'm book blogging with over the next several weeks with The Next Chapter there are a few steps you can take to get to nothing.

First is to Put Up The Privacy Sign, blocking off and blocking out interruptions for a certain time period so you know you won't be disturbed. This is the easiest step for me as I am home during the day by myself during the week. But back in the days of baby and toddlerhood, it would have been laughably impossible and I sympathize with those who find this step hard.

Second is to Let Your Body Vacate. I also find this fairly easy and I mark it up to the childbirth class practice with the Bradley method, which is all about training yourself to completely relax on command. I also have to do this on a daily basis anyways when my pain levels get too high, so I have become fairly adept at "checking out" of my body as needed.

Third is to Vacate Your Mind, as one who possesses an active squirrel mind that is always on the go and never at rest this one is the most challenging. It always has been whenever I've attempted a regular meditation practice. What is key for me is to let go of being perfect at this, and realizing before I begin that just making the attempt *this time* is what is ultimately important for me. Also, I'll note that the more I read about meditation and how to do it, the better I am getting at it myself. The more examples and techniques and practice the better, at least for me.

Beck has several techniques she shares in the book, but the best advice she offers is to realize that your only option is to "simply watch your mind do its thing, without passing any judgments on your thoughts, or trying to control the process. The act of nonjudmental observation is extremely powerful, allowing you to divide your awareness from your thoughts."

She shares a quote from writer Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj which really rang a bell for me:
"Know yourself to be the changeless witness of the changeful mind. Mind is interested in what happens, while the awareness is interested in the mind itself. The child is after the toy, but the mother watches the child not the toy."

The fourth and final step is to Learn to Return, which is meant to make it easier for one to return to the vacated body and mind state. Like leaving a bookmark or place marker that you can snap to easily. I see this place of peace is something to create and use not as an escape from your life, but as a life-preserver.

The Joy Diet

The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for A Happier Life

What a funny name for a book huh?
But after you think about it for a while it starts to make sense, feeding oneself a constant stream of joy would be quite nourishing and sustaining as opposed to the alternative of negativity.


I'm going to be reading this book with The Next Chapter book blogging group over the next 10 weeks. You can still sign up if you're interested in participating! So hopefully every Friday I'll be posting about the chapter we are working on.
I always enjoyed the author Martha Beck's column in Oprah magazine, she seemed to have a great way of getting through to people where they are and helping them see how to get to where they want to be.
The first chapter's subject is: NOTHING. Which I think will probably be one of the most challenging subjects in the whole book. Doing nothing is really hard work and I'm not terribly good at it. But I think I'm up for working on nothing and look forward to seeing what the book offers as far as getting to nothing and remaining with nothing for 15 minutes a day...

Transcending Rejections & Roadblocks

The ninth secret in "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women" by Gail McMeekin, I'm still reading along with other book bloggers (The Next Chapter). I've gotten a little off track with posting on this, but I'm not giving up, because I've found that reading this book along with a great group of creatives really quite helpful.

I think that this secret is probably the turning point, where one decides whether it is worth it to pursue the creative path. Because rejection is absolutely a part of this process, and not everyone is willing to push on through being rejected (more than once usually!). And overcoming the roadblocks that are thrown up, by yourself and others, physical or mental is really where "the rubber meets the road." Do you want success (however you've defined that for yourself) enough to put yourself through this test? Which will be an ongoing experience, not a one-time thing.

I believe this is where the creative dilettantes and dabblers are separated from the Serious Artist (note the serious capitalization). And it is admittedly where I find myself poised at the moment. Well for the last year or so really. Being a creative dabbler is really fun, and relaxing and you meet all kinds of interesting people and try out so many really really interesting new things and techniques. And my goodness I've really truly enjoyed it and gotten so much out of it, and it has saved me so many times I can't even count.

But in the end, the question asked in this chapter essentially, is that really enough for you? For a whole lot of people I bet it is absolutely enough, and those folks are the audience for most of the quilt, craft, scrapbook stuff and magazines and classes, etc. A very valid choice and nothing to ever be sneered at or looked down upon. Better to be a creative dabbler than a frustrated person who never ever lets herself get down and dirty and creative. but but but I hear myself saying, it isn't enough for me anymore.

"Putting yourself out there and sharing your work qualifies as an act of courage and tests your fortitude." - Gail McMeekin

So I have put myself out there, with my work, for many years now. And maybe it is courageous, but that's not how it feels anymore. It feels like it is just part of the whole work of being a creative person. And I know that I need to do much more of the work of the business side of being an artist, instead of just hanging out as a creative dabbler.

A great fun exercise in this chapter is making a list of ten acceptance fantasies and then writing them out in descriptive detail, who you talk to, what you say, what you're wearing, which work is involved, what you're paid, etc. And then further on, taking those same acceptance fantasies we're asked to actually detail what goes into success at making these happen, what ingredients you are missing, to specifically plan out how to make those fantasies become reality. That's the crucial thing isn't it, to figure out how to make it happen, oh and to actually follow through and Do It.

Selecting Empowering Partnerships & Alliances

illustration from Anne Taintor "making smart people smile since 1985"

This eighth chapter of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women (which I'm reading as part of the book blogging group, The Next Chapter) was probably the least helpful to me so far. I think that making this decision on whether to partner up with other or create and pursue alliances is something that might be in the future, but doesn't apply too much to me at the moment.

In the chapter there is a pretty extensive self-assessment to do around the issues of what kind of partner you are, your managing style, your collaboration style, etc. And after doing that, I've realized that being on my own with what I'm doing now is the right choice for me. At least for now.

But as the author, Gail McMeekin says "Working closely with others on a creative project expands the available net of ideas, skills and experience." I've absolutely found this to be true on the collaborative projects I've worked on in the past, and definitely recognize the value of this idea.

But on the other hand, my favorite quote from the chapter is "Your playing small serves no one." - Marianne Williamson.
So perhaps more thinking on this subject of expanding my notions of what I'm doing, and whether or not I need to involve more partners or alliances is achieving my goals.

As McMeekin says "In this age of the Internet, you don't have to work alone, unless you want to."

Consulting With Guides

Getting back into the swing of reading along in "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women" with the book blogging group, Next Chapter. I'm a week behind, so there will be two posts in a row to catch me back up.

This seventh chapter is all about how to overcome the challenge of isolation and loneliness as an artist/creative, with all kinds of great questions to consider about the guidance you got as a child from your family, later in life from people outside your family and what works best for you and what you need in the future going forward.

I was lucky as a child to be so encouraged in my creativity by both of my parents. They were great examples of how to be creative in your own individual way that works for you. My grandparents and other relatives too were very inspirational by the many examples of throwing yourself into hobbies or creative pursuits to get through life and make it better as you go along.

As I went through life I think that I had some pretty good teachers and guides up and through the college years.

One of the most influential was a summer school teacher that I had where we did patchwork, between fourth and fifth grade. I don't remember much about her, but I do remember the freedom and "what happens if you did this or that" kind of spontaneity of approach to the subject she brought. That really stuck with me and informs my method of working to this day.

The first formal class I took in the quilting world was from Therese May, (a long time ago in 2000), another free-spirited creative teacher, with a similar "what-if" approach to learning to quilt spontaneously.

And more recently I took advantage of Gabrielle Swain's offer to pass on what she'd been learning about life/art coaching from Eric Maisel when she offered her Creative Sparks month to month mentoring last year. That was a really valuable experience for me, and I refer back to my notes and re-read her critiques and advice very frequently.

I find one of the most inspirational things for me is reading books written about or by creative women where they detail how they've figured this out for themselves. Some of these books would include
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes,
Twyla Tharps' great book, The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life
and although not all the essays are written by women the anthology edited by Rick Benzel,Inspiring Creativity: An Anthology of Powerful Insights and Practical Ideas to Guide You to Successful Creating
Those are just three that I can think of right off the top of my head out of the many books I've read over the last few years. Advisors or guides in book form are convenient for me, as I don't always feel up to having face-to-face interaction with people. This is just reality for me, so I'm really lucky that the internet exists with all those interesting and inspiring groups out there, just waiting for people to jump in and participate from whatever point they happen to be at.

In person groups are good too, in moderation I've found, otherwise they can turn into too much politic-y and time-sucky situations. The one I've stuck with and done the most with is CQFA. We only meet once every other month, so the time committment isn't too much, and I almost always come away inspired and renewed by interacting with these creative fiber-obsessed women.

In the book, there is a list of guidance options to consider and I found myself checking off all of them, as ones that I had pursued, already have, or want to continue with. So it seems that I've got this particular subject somewhat in hand (though not in control of course!).

My favorite quote from the chapter which I'll leave you with was from Helen Keller: "When indeed shall we learn that we are all related one to the other, that we are all members of one body?"

Conquering Saboteurs

The sixth chapter, Conquering Saboteurs in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women (book blogging along with the others at The Next Chapter), is pretty interesting. Saboteurs can be internal (all those critical, damaging voices) or external (people in your life who are against what you're trying to accomplish).
I think handling the external ones is pretty easy for me. Although I haven't encountered a lot of criticism for my work so far. Probably because I don't attend artist groups where they do critiques. And the judges comments that I've gotten on works from various shows have usually been helpful in some way or another. Even the ones that rankled ended up being useful. I tend to usually take everything very personally and deeply, but somehow, criticism about my work I'm able to handle (at least so far), because I can separate what is intended as useful, and what is not.

The internal saboteurs though are a bit harder to handle, but I have learned some good techniques to shut them up long enough to be able to get the work done. The ones that are strongest are preventing me from getting my work out into the world. This realization that I haven't conquered all of those internal saboteurs makes me say to myself: "Prepare to do battle!" It seems strange to have to prepare to battle a voice or impulse that is coming from one's own mind, but that's where the conflict is.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deep fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

The picture in this post is of one of my favorite quilts that I've made, As Above, So Below is made from various woven plaids and ikats and quilted with a very thick cotton perle.
Finally hanging where I always had envisioned it, above our bed.
It looks good against the biscuit colored wall.
No matter what anybody else ever said about it.

Committing to Self-Focus

This fifth chapter in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin that I'm reading with other book bloggers (see The Next Chapter) is a really crucial one, with issues that I've been dealing with for the last 15 years of being a mother.

As the author states:" Self-focus is a critical skill for women who want to create . Without it you cannot induldge in your inspirations and devote the time necessary for innovation."

I still find the pull and tug of caretaking vs. creativity very challenging and am simultaneously looking forward to and dreading the time when it is just my husband I'm "responsible for". It is so hard to ever feel like I'm doing any of my roles well-enough, good-enough or honestly even minimally. All of it is in tension, all the time, which is stressful in a very different way than being stressed over working outside the home at a 9-5 job like I used to have. That stress was more manageable, it was something I could see as separate from me, it was mostly over and done with when I left work to come home. But this stress is all day, every day, the only true respite is when I go away for a short break without family. All those caretaking demands are there 24/7 like it or not, and the ability, reason, and strength to say NO sometimes, when I need to be creative isn't always available to me.

Having a real fear of appearing selfish is something I can admit to honestly. Because women are most definitely not supposed to be selfish. I cringe inwardly whenever I am confronted with this by my family, when they express the feeling that I'm not there enough for them. Because they are right, I'm not sometimes! The worst thing is knowing that they do not value the time and space and results of my creativity as much as I value theirs. I don't know, that is probably just the way it is between parents and kids but it still bothers me greatly. And it makes it easier to be self-focused!

"Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Here's to Solitude then. And learning to say No to doing things we don't truly want to do.

This picture says it all to me. You can't see it in the small version, but there is a sticker that says NO in black and white on the pole. It is such a stark reminder, on this solitary pole, against the enormous demanding sky. Plainly stated: NO .

Surrendering to Creative Cycles

Oooh, I love this chapter title of the 4th chapter in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, which I'm reading with many other book bloggers at The Next Chapter.


This subject really resonated deeply with me, as I've definitely got a very distinctive creative cycle, which is challenging and frustrating when I forget about it. Which unfortunately I ineveitably do. So it is good to read about what the function of this up and down and around and around cycle might actually be in my life. There have to be some beneficial things to be gained out of the low points in the cycle right?

Sometimes when I'm down in the cycle, where it is dark and murky I wonder where the goodness and light is, I get impatient with how long it is taking to return to the easier part of the cyle.
But reading this chapter helped me to realize that this part of the cycle is absolutely essential to a creative person.
void=fallow=allowed to rest=neutral zone=a vauum
Natural Order of Dormancy and Blossoming

"The void beckons like a doorway to transformation and new beginnings." - Gail McMeekin

I know that I struggle against this idea and don't easily accept it as a natural course of events, but that knowing is going to be helpful the next time I'm really stuck down in it.

The Norse Rune, Harvest is described by Ralph Blum in The Book of Runes as: "Be mindful that patience is essential for the recognition of your own process which, in its season, leads to the harvest of the self."
Usually I think of harvesting as something outside of myself, but this really struck a chord for me, that all this work of self-examination is going to end up with the end result of a harvest of a new self. At least I hope so!
Trusting that it will come to pass eventually is the unwavering faith I must continue to put in my own creative re-emergence, even when it seems that there is nothing actually changing.

Following Your Fascinations

I'm a little late in posting this, my thoughts about the third chapter of the 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, to read more, be sure to go over to The Next Chapter.

This third secret: "Following your fascinations" is very challenging one for me. "Fascinations have great power to keep us devoted and engaged". The chapter is all about how we need to figure out what we are passionate about, listen to our intuitive voice, and to silence our doubts long enough to be able to take risks.

When I first read that that about taking risks, I thought uh,oh, I'm not going to like this chapter very much. I find it hard to take risks, and have to really push myself to get out of my own way a lot of the time. But she points out the difference between spontaneous, impulsive risk-taking and calculated risks. A creative person needs to take both types, not just the leaping into the unknown with no plan type. Okay, good, I can deal with that. A little self discipline here is what is needed, coralling oneself from the distractions of all the shiny,fun things on the sidelines and having a plan to making a new leap.

"And the truth is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong

I think there is a lot that I'm holding back on trying, attempting, or beginning. And after reading this one chapter I'm realizing that I just need to break through that mini-wall of fear about failure, make a plan for following through and give it a go. Having a talent for worst-case-scenario thinking may be a plus here, I can imagine the worst and plan backwards from there...

What is it that you need to do, to take a risk? Once you've followed your fascination through all the safe waters and need to push your boat out into the bigger river?

Honoring My Inspirations

The second week of reading "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women", and the secret is Honoring Your Inspiration

For me, it all comes down to noticing. Being present, where you are, right now, breathing in, breathing out. The usual loveliness of a river scene suddenly transformed by two tiny steps taken in the right direction.

That is all it took.

Two steps to the left.

And then I got this.

One of my favorite pictures I've ever taken in my life.

All because I looked, really truly looked at what was right in front of me. Something I've seen so many times, that the beauty of it is mundane. But suddenly transformed by the moment's observation being captured by the lenses of my eyes and camera.

This lesson is taught over and over again when we spend time out in Nature. (and yes I capitalize Nature, just like another person might capitalize God). But most of the time we're closed off to noticing it, and aren't learning this lesson.

What is it we are supposed to learn?

I think that the ultimate point is that: it is all here, right in front of you, everything you need to create whatever you imagine, every curl of every leaf, every crisscross of branches, face glimpsed in a rock or sinuous movement of a garden snake left in the dirt at your feet. All of this is your source material for a lifetime of artistic creation, if and only if you slow down enough to notice it, absorb it, record it and then go back to your studio and use it.

A quote from this chapter of the book: "Nature has been for me, for as long as I can remember, a source of solace, inspiration, adventure, and delight; a home, a teacher, a companion." Lorraine Anderson

Acknowledging Your Creative Self

That is the first secret in the book The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor
that I'm reading as part of a virtual book club Next Chapter The book begins with the author's (Gail McMeekin) personal story of overcoming Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to completely refashion her life with the aid of her own creativity. I find this so familiar and still very inspiring, as it is basically what I am right in the middle of trying to accomplish for myself.

I especially liked this observation that she makes: "I had transcended the New Age distortion that I was to blame for my illness and stopped trying to regain my old life. Every time I pushed myself to do work that was overly stressful just to earn money, I relapsed immediately. I finally understood. It was time to redesign my life in line with my limitations and with total allegiance to my truth."

Oh my goodness does that ever ring true for me. I had the experience a couple years ago where it literally took me months after reading "The Secret" to call bullshit on that particular nugget. Of course I am not to blame for my illness. My illness may be present at this time in this life for me for a reason. It is definitely a teacher that I am learning from (like it or not), but there is no way that anyone can convince me that I chose this illness. That is how I define being able to assign blame, there has to be a choice involved. Nothing I did in the past gave me this illness, I was born this way. period.

After finally jettisoning that particular burden I felt freer to work on the next part: Stopping trying to regain my old life. Regret, shame and despair were the themes here as I replayed the litany of how I used to be, what I used to be able to do and what I thought my life possibilities and plans were, yadda, yadda, whatever. Not a fun part of the journey there. But once I was able to accept that the old life I lived is not where I'm headed, I was able to let that go. I'll be honest that I still re-visit this particular lesson over and over again, but it is getting easier each time to get through it and let go of the grasping on to "how it was supposed to be".

So with all this energy no longer focused on fighting the reality of my circumstances I was able to use it to start in with harnessing my creativity. A sweet plum to enjoy at the end of this period of trial and tribulation, but it was so worthwhile in reaching it let me tell you!

I'm looking forward to the rest of this book, mainly for advice on how to accomplish the next steps, now that I've acknowledged my creative self, so fully and completely, now what to do with that next? The picture accompanying this post represents my creative self, much bigger than me physically, undefined, amorphous, but still attached to me right at my own feet. That sentence makes me realize that I can then step this way or that and my creativity comes with me, no matter where I go. A good thing to really know isn't it?

The Next Chapter

I'm joining in on a group reading/blogging of
The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor

And conveniently, it starts this coming Friday. There will be a weekly post about the reading and exercises I'm doing from the book here on my blog, hopefully they'll be interesting or useful to some of you.

After reading the first chapter I'm quite excited, it seems like exactly the type of book I need to read at exactly this time. I'm hopeful that the act of signing up for reading it together with other women will be helpful in getting me to actually finish reading it and to follow-through (my theme for the year!).

If you might be interested in checking this group out, you can find the info here at the Next Chapter blog.