Cracking Open

 These four plastic eggs have been on my window sill for awhile now, years actually. They came from a talk at a CQFA meeting about goals and creativity by one of our members, Terri Thayer. She had a lot of experience of setting goals and getting stuff done, having set out to write a series of quilting cozy mysteries. (They're really good!)

After walking us through some mind-mapping exercises, Terri had us think of things we'd like to learn or do in the next few years of our creative lives and we wrote them down on slips of paper. They got tucked into these eggs as a symbol of setting the intentions in our minds of where we wanted to head, creatively, artistically, or whatever. I hadn't looked at them in a very long time and honestly I had forgotten what I'd written down. I just knew they were some things that at one point had made sense to pursue or investigate or accomplish. So I was pleasantly surprised to see that I've done one and started the other three out of the four things I'd chosen to focus on. Guess my internal to-do list kind of works after all. Just not for things we need at the grocery store. The human subconscious is an amazing thing isn't it?

Begin Again

I was sitting in my folk's beautiful living room a couple weeks ago with two of my awesome nieces. They were fooling around on the other couch, I think they like the slipperiness of the leather. This is the only picture I could get without their feet being in it. As I sat there listening to their giggling I was struck again by how much I love these quilts that I made for this room, (and more importantly of course, for my parents.) They suit the space so well and they turned out just how I'd imagined and sketched them.

I can remember cutting out the strips for them as my husband and I talked to an old friend of ours who was visiting us for the day. He was a surprise visitor and I already had the project underway and had a looming deadline for the quilts that was coming up so as we all chatted I steadily went through box after box selecting and cutting. He had all sorts of questions about how I was making decisions about which fabrics to use. It was hard to explain my process to someone who is an engineer and not an artist, but I managed well enough.

As I sat there, I started wondering if I could make these quilts again if I had to. My answer to myself was that I honestly don't know. I'm in a much different place physically and mentally. but I can viscerally recall how I made them, I can remember the process and the mindset I was in at the time, but I'm really really rusty at this whole 'making thing.' Years have gone by now where I haven't made all that much of anything. I'm out of practice, that's what it comes down to.

Turns out that whole thing about creativity being a muscle is completely true. And boy howdy am I ever out of shape! To fully recover from these last years of non-production I have to restart that practice engine that I was regularly feeding. That's part of why I'm blogging again, trying to recapture the momentum and focus I've lost. Here's hoping that it works!

Everything present is included in the past somewhere; nobody's present pops out of nowhere. ~ Twyla Tharp

Power of Doodling

Have you ever heard of Lynda Barry? She's a cartoonist that I've loved pretty much forever and is also a teacher, she teaches writing and creativity and image creation classes.
She was on NPR recently and this interview is really worth a listen.  Especially if you like to doodle while you're listening to something or are interested in the brain and creativity. Here's an older interview too.

Speaking about the making of images: "I believe with all my heart they have an absolute biological function," she says. "They are not decoration. They are not an elective. They have a function."

I've checked out her books from the library so many times that I've finally broken down and bought them.  They're packed with the sort of inspiring creative energy that is just plain fun to read and look at over and over.  I highly recommend both of these books,  for image making, writing, collage, do-it-yourself art therapy and inspiration      

Someday I hope I can take a class with her, it sounds like she's quite a teacher.

A Mirror For Today

My friend Jaye just had her super-fun birthday party at a really cool place called A Work Of Heart. It is a "Creative Arts Lounge", AKA a fully-stocked mixed-media art studio, all set up for classes and groups.

The project we all did was an altered mirror. We started with a plain pine wide-framed Ikea mirror and 32 plain chipboard squares.

First step was to sponge paint the frame. While that was drying, we chose fancy papers, mostly the type you'd use for scrap booking I think. These were cut to size and glued to a bunch of the squares.

The remaining squares were stamped with distressed inks, embossing stuff, and crackle painted and inked in different combinations. We were instructed to paint the edges of the squares at some point, that helps the whole thing look more finished.

Next was the hard part, arranging all the squares in a pleasing arrangement. Looking at this more closely, the hard part truly, for me, was gluing the squares down in straight lines. Is this surprising to anyone? Nope? Good.

Finally we got to choose embellishments to glue on top of the squares. There was a huge assortment of all kinds of things, letters, buttons, charms, jewelry bits, ribbons, rhinestones,etc. It was hard to narrow it down and choose and not put too much "stuff" on top of the squares I'd worked so hard on. Luckily I was sitting next to Bron (she of the fabulous button stash), who had brought a nice selection of tiny Chinese coins, buttons and those cool yellow leafy feathers that I ended up using. Thanks again Bron!

It was so fun to get to:

• Hang out with Jaye and all her friends, lots of whom are mutual friends, the laughter, camraderie and talking was a high point for me
• Make art with a completely new set of materials
• Use supplies I hadn't ever tried
• Try a type of project I hadn't done before
• Check out what everyone else came up with, they were all so different in the end!

Defining Creativity

I didn't get around to posting this last Friday, but here is my take on the latest chapter of The Joy Diet, which I'm reading together with a bunch of other book bloggers at The Next Chapter.

This one is all about Creativity and I got a lot out of it, a surprising amount really since I think I spend a lot of time and energy on creativity as an artist.

I was really impressed first of all with author Martha Beck's definition of creativity or as she puts it: The Act Of Creation : the process of realizing - making real - events, objects, or relationships that originally exist only in our imaginations. This is a really new and more inclusive way of looking at creativity for me, instead of just limiting it to what I'm doing over in my studio, but in the whole rest of my life, (a lot of which of course affects what's going on in the studio.)

But this is crucial, especially if we take to heart one of the main message of this chapter that you are always responsible for creating your life whether you like it or not. Owning up to the fact that I am inherently and completely creative day to day, minute by minute, decision to decision is both inherently empowering and very scary too. It is very easy to forget this, and just bumble along from thing to thing without ever really taking this responsibility on and working out how I feel about it.

What is that lesson that Spiderman has to learn over and over again? "With great power, comes great responsibility", well Spidey, I'm right there with you in having to learn,re-learn and learn again this ultimate truth.

The part of this chapter that really helped me turn around my thinking that I'm helpless and ineffective in changing anything, or making better decisions was the exercise of challenging and changing your dichotomous thinking. Either/Or, Black/White, One Thing or The Other.

I'll write the exercise out here so you can try it, just fill in the blanks, and I bet you'll be amazed:

My Dichotomous Life

I can either be ____ or _____.

I can either have ______ or ______.

I can either do _______ or _______.

***now using the exact same things you've written above, fill this out:

My Creative Life

I intend to be both _____ and ______.

I intend to have both _____ and _______.

I intend to do both ________ and _______.

See, it is just that easy to figure this out, both things are going to happen, so start out with the intention that yes indeedy, both are going to occur, then you don't have to fight yourself about the "bad" one happening!

That's amazing to me, it was such a d'oh moment. I hope it is useful to you too!

Transcending Rejections & Roadblocks

The ninth secret in "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women" by Gail McMeekin, I'm still reading along with other book bloggers (The Next Chapter). I've gotten a little off track with posting on this, but I'm not giving up, because I've found that reading this book along with a great group of creatives really quite helpful.

I think that this secret is probably the turning point, where one decides whether it is worth it to pursue the creative path. Because rejection is absolutely a part of this process, and not everyone is willing to push on through being rejected (more than once usually!). And overcoming the roadblocks that are thrown up, by yourself and others, physical or mental is really where "the rubber meets the road." Do you want success (however you've defined that for yourself) enough to put yourself through this test? Which will be an ongoing experience, not a one-time thing.

I believe this is where the creative dilettantes and dabblers are separated from the Serious Artist (note the serious capitalization). And it is admittedly where I find myself poised at the moment. Well for the last year or so really. Being a creative dabbler is really fun, and relaxing and you meet all kinds of interesting people and try out so many really really interesting new things and techniques. And my goodness I've really truly enjoyed it and gotten so much out of it, and it has saved me so many times I can't even count.

But in the end, the question asked in this chapter essentially, is that really enough for you? For a whole lot of people I bet it is absolutely enough, and those folks are the audience for most of the quilt, craft, scrapbook stuff and magazines and classes, etc. A very valid choice and nothing to ever be sneered at or looked down upon. Better to be a creative dabbler than a frustrated person who never ever lets herself get down and dirty and creative. but but but I hear myself saying, it isn't enough for me anymore.

"Putting yourself out there and sharing your work qualifies as an act of courage and tests your fortitude." - Gail McMeekin

So I have put myself out there, with my work, for many years now. And maybe it is courageous, but that's not how it feels anymore. It feels like it is just part of the whole work of being a creative person. And I know that I need to do much more of the work of the business side of being an artist, instead of just hanging out as a creative dabbler.

A great fun exercise in this chapter is making a list of ten acceptance fantasies and then writing them out in descriptive detail, who you talk to, what you say, what you're wearing, which work is involved, what you're paid, etc. And then further on, taking those same acceptance fantasies we're asked to actually detail what goes into success at making these happen, what ingredients you are missing, to specifically plan out how to make those fantasies become reality. That's the crucial thing isn't it, to figure out how to make it happen, oh and to actually follow through and Do It.

Selecting Empowering Partnerships & Alliances

illustration from Anne Taintor "making smart people smile since 1985"

This eighth chapter of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women (which I'm reading as part of the book blogging group, The Next Chapter) was probably the least helpful to me so far. I think that making this decision on whether to partner up with other or create and pursue alliances is something that might be in the future, but doesn't apply too much to me at the moment.

In the chapter there is a pretty extensive self-assessment to do around the issues of what kind of partner you are, your managing style, your collaboration style, etc. And after doing that, I've realized that being on my own with what I'm doing now is the right choice for me. At least for now.

But as the author, Gail McMeekin says "Working closely with others on a creative project expands the available net of ideas, skills and experience." I've absolutely found this to be true on the collaborative projects I've worked on in the past, and definitely recognize the value of this idea.

But on the other hand, my favorite quote from the chapter is "Your playing small serves no one." - Marianne Williamson.
So perhaps more thinking on this subject of expanding my notions of what I'm doing, and whether or not I need to involve more partners or alliances is achieving my goals.

As McMeekin says "In this age of the Internet, you don't have to work alone, unless you want to."

Consulting With Guides

Getting back into the swing of reading along in "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women" with the book blogging group, Next Chapter. I'm a week behind, so there will be two posts in a row to catch me back up.

This seventh chapter is all about how to overcome the challenge of isolation and loneliness as an artist/creative, with all kinds of great questions to consider about the guidance you got as a child from your family, later in life from people outside your family and what works best for you and what you need in the future going forward.

I was lucky as a child to be so encouraged in my creativity by both of my parents. They were great examples of how to be creative in your own individual way that works for you. My grandparents and other relatives too were very inspirational by the many examples of throwing yourself into hobbies or creative pursuits to get through life and make it better as you go along.

As I went through life I think that I had some pretty good teachers and guides up and through the college years.

One of the most influential was a summer school teacher that I had where we did patchwork, between fourth and fifth grade. I don't remember much about her, but I do remember the freedom and "what happens if you did this or that" kind of spontaneity of approach to the subject she brought. That really stuck with me and informs my method of working to this day.

The first formal class I took in the quilting world was from Therese May, (a long time ago in 2000), another free-spirited creative teacher, with a similar "what-if" approach to learning to quilt spontaneously.

And more recently I took advantage of Gabrielle Swain's offer to pass on what she'd been learning about life/art coaching from Eric Maisel when she offered her Creative Sparks month to month mentoring last year. That was a really valuable experience for me, and I refer back to my notes and re-read her critiques and advice very frequently.

I find one of the most inspirational things for me is reading books written about or by creative women where they detail how they've figured this out for themselves. Some of these books would include
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes,
Twyla Tharps' great book, The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life
and although not all the essays are written by women the anthology edited by Rick Benzel,Inspiring Creativity: An Anthology of Powerful Insights and Practical Ideas to Guide You to Successful Creating
Those are just three that I can think of right off the top of my head out of the many books I've read over the last few years. Advisors or guides in book form are convenient for me, as I don't always feel up to having face-to-face interaction with people. This is just reality for me, so I'm really lucky that the internet exists with all those interesting and inspiring groups out there, just waiting for people to jump in and participate from whatever point they happen to be at.

In person groups are good too, in moderation I've found, otherwise they can turn into too much politic-y and time-sucky situations. The one I've stuck with and done the most with is CQFA. We only meet once every other month, so the time committment isn't too much, and I almost always come away inspired and renewed by interacting with these creative fiber-obsessed women.

In the book, there is a list of guidance options to consider and I found myself checking off all of them, as ones that I had pursued, already have, or want to continue with. So it seems that I've got this particular subject somewhat in hand (though not in control of course!).

My favorite quote from the chapter which I'll leave you with was from Helen Keller: "When indeed shall we learn that we are all related one to the other, that we are all members of one body?"

Conquering Saboteurs

The sixth chapter, Conquering Saboteurs in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women (book blogging along with the others at The Next Chapter), is pretty interesting. Saboteurs can be internal (all those critical, damaging voices) or external (people in your life who are against what you're trying to accomplish).
I think handling the external ones is pretty easy for me. Although I haven't encountered a lot of criticism for my work so far. Probably because I don't attend artist groups where they do critiques. And the judges comments that I've gotten on works from various shows have usually been helpful in some way or another. Even the ones that rankled ended up being useful. I tend to usually take everything very personally and deeply, but somehow, criticism about my work I'm able to handle (at least so far), because I can separate what is intended as useful, and what is not.

The internal saboteurs though are a bit harder to handle, but I have learned some good techniques to shut them up long enough to be able to get the work done. The ones that are strongest are preventing me from getting my work out into the world. This realization that I haven't conquered all of those internal saboteurs makes me say to myself: "Prepare to do battle!" It seems strange to have to prepare to battle a voice or impulse that is coming from one's own mind, but that's where the conflict is.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deep fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

The picture in this post is of one of my favorite quilts that I've made, As Above, So Below is made from various woven plaids and ikats and quilted with a very thick cotton perle.
Finally hanging where I always had envisioned it, above our bed.
It looks good against the biscuit colored wall.
No matter what anybody else ever said about it.

Committing to Self-Focus

This fifth chapter in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin that I'm reading with other book bloggers (see The Next Chapter) is a really crucial one, with issues that I've been dealing with for the last 15 years of being a mother.

As the author states:" Self-focus is a critical skill for women who want to create . Without it you cannot induldge in your inspirations and devote the time necessary for innovation."

I still find the pull and tug of caretaking vs. creativity very challenging and am simultaneously looking forward to and dreading the time when it is just my husband I'm "responsible for". It is so hard to ever feel like I'm doing any of my roles well-enough, good-enough or honestly even minimally. All of it is in tension, all the time, which is stressful in a very different way than being stressed over working outside the home at a 9-5 job like I used to have. That stress was more manageable, it was something I could see as separate from me, it was mostly over and done with when I left work to come home. But this stress is all day, every day, the only true respite is when I go away for a short break without family. All those caretaking demands are there 24/7 like it or not, and the ability, reason, and strength to say NO sometimes, when I need to be creative isn't always available to me.

Having a real fear of appearing selfish is something I can admit to honestly. Because women are most definitely not supposed to be selfish. I cringe inwardly whenever I am confronted with this by my family, when they express the feeling that I'm not there enough for them. Because they are right, I'm not sometimes! The worst thing is knowing that they do not value the time and space and results of my creativity as much as I value theirs. I don't know, that is probably just the way it is between parents and kids but it still bothers me greatly. And it makes it easier to be self-focused!

"Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Here's to Solitude then. And learning to say No to doing things we don't truly want to do.

This picture says it all to me. You can't see it in the small version, but there is a sticker that says NO in black and white on the pole. It is such a stark reminder, on this solitary pole, against the enormous demanding sky. Plainly stated: NO .

Surrendering to Creative Cycles

Oooh, I love this chapter title of the 4th chapter in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, which I'm reading with many other book bloggers at The Next Chapter.


This subject really resonated deeply with me, as I've definitely got a very distinctive creative cycle, which is challenging and frustrating when I forget about it. Which unfortunately I ineveitably do. So it is good to read about what the function of this up and down and around and around cycle might actually be in my life. There have to be some beneficial things to be gained out of the low points in the cycle right?

Sometimes when I'm down in the cycle, where it is dark and murky I wonder where the goodness and light is, I get impatient with how long it is taking to return to the easier part of the cyle.
But reading this chapter helped me to realize that this part of the cycle is absolutely essential to a creative person.
void=fallow=allowed to rest=neutral zone=a vauum
Natural Order of Dormancy and Blossoming

"The void beckons like a doorway to transformation and new beginnings." - Gail McMeekin

I know that I struggle against this idea and don't easily accept it as a natural course of events, but that knowing is going to be helpful the next time I'm really stuck down in it.

The Norse Rune, Harvest is described by Ralph Blum in The Book of Runes as: "Be mindful that patience is essential for the recognition of your own process which, in its season, leads to the harvest of the self."
Usually I think of harvesting as something outside of myself, but this really struck a chord for me, that all this work of self-examination is going to end up with the end result of a harvest of a new self. At least I hope so!
Trusting that it will come to pass eventually is the unwavering faith I must continue to put in my own creative re-emergence, even when it seems that there is nothing actually changing.

Honoring My Inspirations

The second week of reading "12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women", and the secret is Honoring Your Inspiration

For me, it all comes down to noticing. Being present, where you are, right now, breathing in, breathing out. The usual loveliness of a river scene suddenly transformed by two tiny steps taken in the right direction.

That is all it took.

Two steps to the left.

And then I got this.

One of my favorite pictures I've ever taken in my life.

All because I looked, really truly looked at what was right in front of me. Something I've seen so many times, that the beauty of it is mundane. But suddenly transformed by the moment's observation being captured by the lenses of my eyes and camera.

This lesson is taught over and over again when we spend time out in Nature. (and yes I capitalize Nature, just like another person might capitalize God). But most of the time we're closed off to noticing it, and aren't learning this lesson.

What is it we are supposed to learn?

I think that the ultimate point is that: it is all here, right in front of you, everything you need to create whatever you imagine, every curl of every leaf, every crisscross of branches, face glimpsed in a rock or sinuous movement of a garden snake left in the dirt at your feet. All of this is your source material for a lifetime of artistic creation, if and only if you slow down enough to notice it, absorb it, record it and then go back to your studio and use it.

A quote from this chapter of the book: "Nature has been for me, for as long as I can remember, a source of solace, inspiration, adventure, and delight; a home, a teacher, a companion." Lorraine Anderson

Acknowledging Your Creative Self

That is the first secret in the book The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor
that I'm reading as part of a virtual book club Next Chapter The book begins with the author's (Gail McMeekin) personal story of overcoming Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to completely refashion her life with the aid of her own creativity. I find this so familiar and still very inspiring, as it is basically what I am right in the middle of trying to accomplish for myself.

I especially liked this observation that she makes: "I had transcended the New Age distortion that I was to blame for my illness and stopped trying to regain my old life. Every time I pushed myself to do work that was overly stressful just to earn money, I relapsed immediately. I finally understood. It was time to redesign my life in line with my limitations and with total allegiance to my truth."

Oh my goodness does that ever ring true for me. I had the experience a couple years ago where it literally took me months after reading "The Secret" to call bullshit on that particular nugget. Of course I am not to blame for my illness. My illness may be present at this time in this life for me for a reason. It is definitely a teacher that I am learning from (like it or not), but there is no way that anyone can convince me that I chose this illness. That is how I define being able to assign blame, there has to be a choice involved. Nothing I did in the past gave me this illness, I was born this way. period.

After finally jettisoning that particular burden I felt freer to work on the next part: Stopping trying to regain my old life. Regret, shame and despair were the themes here as I replayed the litany of how I used to be, what I used to be able to do and what I thought my life possibilities and plans were, yadda, yadda, whatever. Not a fun part of the journey there. But once I was able to accept that the old life I lived is not where I'm headed, I was able to let that go. I'll be honest that I still re-visit this particular lesson over and over again, but it is getting easier each time to get through it and let go of the grasping on to "how it was supposed to be".

So with all this energy no longer focused on fighting the reality of my circumstances I was able to use it to start in with harnessing my creativity. A sweet plum to enjoy at the end of this period of trial and tribulation, but it was so worthwhile in reaching it let me tell you!

I'm looking forward to the rest of this book, mainly for advice on how to accomplish the next steps, now that I've acknowledged my creative self, so fully and completely, now what to do with that next? The picture accompanying this post represents my creative self, much bigger than me physically, undefined, amorphous, but still attached to me right at my own feet. That sentence makes me realize that I can then step this way or that and my creativity comes with me, no matter where I go. A good thing to really know isn't it?

The Next Chapter

I'm joining in on a group reading/blogging of
The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor

And conveniently, it starts this coming Friday. There will be a weekly post about the reading and exercises I'm doing from the book here on my blog, hopefully they'll be interesting or useful to some of you.

After reading the first chapter I'm quite excited, it seems like exactly the type of book I need to read at exactly this time. I'm hopeful that the act of signing up for reading it together with other women will be helpful in getting me to actually finish reading it and to follow-through (my theme for the year!).

If you might be interested in checking this group out, you can find the info here at the Next Chapter blog.