Self Portrait Challenge - Mirrors

The theme for this month on Self Portrait Challenge is mirrors.

At the doctor office yesterday for my pre-op appointment, I took advantage of the nerve-filled waiting time between nurse and doctor by taking some pictures. Thankfully I had my camera put away by the time the doctor popped in, although I suppose it would be easy to explain. No I'm not an undercover reporter documenting doctor's offices nefarious practices...just an obsessed photo taking blogger...

Sitting there, I noticed how mirror-like the paper towel holder was across from the exam table. I like the distortion, the not quite accurate reflection of myself, and also the internal frame caused by the raised rectangular design. I was pleased to be able to capture myself without having the camera showing. That almost always ruins an otherwise good mirror shot (to my eyes at least). The exam room has windows on two walls with a mirror in between, so this looks kind of neat with the dark window frame dividing up the picture. The morning light in the trees is beautiful too.

Shadowy Contrasts

For the month of contrast on Self Portrait Challenge, I'm choosing to go into the shadows this week. Examining the contrast between what is really there according to our eyes and what is just a shadow and then what a camera can see.

I was thinking about how I've been feeling lately, "a shadow of my former self" for lots of different reasons . So I took a kinda ordainary shadow picture to illustrate this contrast of how I used to feel about myself vs. how I do now.
I liked how changing this into a black and white view highlights the insubstantial part of my hand holding the camera, but in contrast the rest of me looks much more solid than in the original picture. You can see the road maps right through me.
Feeling even more ghostly and invisible, here I am in the negative view.

I especially like the oval of my glasses and how it indicates where my eyes are.

Guess I'm kinda like Oakland now, at least according to Gertrude Stein: "There is no there, there."

Contrast #2

More contrast for self portrait challenge.

This is how I've been feeling from the inside looking out at the world.

Green around the gills with sickness watching the un-feeling, un-thinking political vomitrocious kabuki play out as the world watches, jaw on the floor that America is falling for it again.


"Normal" from the outside looking in.
Whatever normal is for me anyways.

If you were used to looking at my face, you would notice the extra worry wrinkle in my forehead, as well as the bruisy circles under my eyes from staying up late reading political blogs or watching political conventions.

Contrast #1

I hadn't used the Warholizer at BigHugeLabs before, this is a pretty cool tool. I thought it illustrated Contrast pretty darn well for the first week of this months' Self Portrait Challenge.
The main contrast bere, besides the obvious ones in the image, is that I would never have posted this picture of myself if it wasn't for this device, standing in between the awfulness (to me) of the original image and the pop icon look that it is now presented in. The contrast between what we allow others to see about ourselves, and what we allow ourselves to see about ourselves is really striking and powerful. Almost too much to admit to one's self!

Shining Onwards

To go along with my self portrait challenge for this last week of "get your shine on" here are the lyrics to:

Shine On
by The Kooks
Safety pins holding up the things
That make you mine
About your hair, you needn't care,
You look beautiful all the time.
Shine, shine, shine on
Yes
Won't you shine, shine on
Your magazines, at people at the seams
But you still read I must admit,
I don't believe in it
But I see how you get sucked in
Shine, shine, shine on
Yes
Won't you shine, shine on
(Sha la la la)
Shine, shine, shine on
Yes
Won't you shine, shine on
Because you're not done
Why do you buy the hand that feeds you
Why do you
Why do you buy the hand that feeds...you!
Shine, shine, shine on
Yes
Won't you shine, shine on
(Sha la la la)
Shine, shine, shine on
Yes
Won't you shine, shine on
Safety pins holding up the things
That make you mine
About your hair, you needn't care
You look beautiful all the time.

Here's the video so you can hear the song:

Self Portrait Challenge - Shine #1

I'll be honest and admit right up front that I'm not too clear on the theme this month for Self Portrait Challenge, but here is my first take on "Shine". Going for the obvious first.
I took a picture of myself in the morning before any face washing, to get the most natural shine possible. The unedited picture will not be posted on the internet. period. But with that shiny morning face it really gave my photo editing program something to work with.These two are the same picture put through a different filter. First is an inverter, second is "neon watercolor".
Zippy and I don't look too thrilled in either of them do we?

And with this post I successfully have completed nablopomo for the month of July, yay me! Will I do it for August too? Ask me tomorrow, in August.

Skillz, Yes I've Got Some

This month, of July (eep! July already!) for Self Portrait Challenge the assignment is SKILL. Showing in self portrait format what we are skilled at.

For the first week I decided to go with showing off my clothesline skill. Yes my friends (I got that from hearing too many speeches on NPR from John McSame), I'm a champion clothes pinning out champ. Nothing falls off into the dirt weeds grass flowers below.

This year I'm trying harder not to use my dryer to save energy (and not heat up the house during the summer). We do however run each line-dried load through the dryer just on air for a little bit, otherwise we'd have too much Zelda hair on everything. Plus everyone complains about the crunchy towels otherwise, geez, buncha wimps!

According to Project Laundry List, if everyone used a clothesline we could save 6-10% of our energy usage in the US. That's huge! Sure it takes a few extra minutes, but not that much really, and I will confess it feels like a connection across the years to my immediate and further into the past ancestors.
I'm out here every day almost, once or twice in the morning, once in the afternoon. A lot of times I pause to check out the butterflies or hummingbirds.
And I also look over the fence to see what is rustling in the underbrush. Which is usually one of our cats or occasionally Zelda, sometimes it is a wild rabbit or quail though.

I don't have many others to compare myself against as far as this clothes pinning thing though. My husband will do it occasionally but he just throws everything over the line, no pins, hoping for the best. At least he's helping, right! I surely do appreciate that. Guess I better teach my two boys how to do it, since they're so interested in all things environmentally friendly that will be my in, not the oh boy it is fun to do chores, that one never seems to work.

Bare-ly Eve

For the final week of self portrait challenge, here is Bare-ly Eve.
My most daring of all three that I've posted this month. And you should see some of the outtakes!

Plastic Fantastic

A second photo for the theme of nude on self portrait challenge this month. But not too challenging for you right, dear reader? Looking at this photo I can see now that it is somewhat hard to tell what body part it is. It could be an arm or leg, but is in fact my back as seen from above, thus all the cleavage-y parts as I raise the camera above my head to get the shot. I chose this particular photo because I liked the shadows of the fence posts behind at that askew angle compared to the soft curves of the body. It is hard to admit my hesitancy in posting these pictures. But there it is, self-censorship, knowing that most of you who come here to this blog are not looking to see fleshy middle-aged body parts.
Here is a slightly more interesting look at the same photo put through a filter called plastic. Sometimes I wish I was made out of plastic, it would be easier to keep myself smooth, and to edit out my objectionable bits. And if I were just taking a photo of a plastic doll, that wouldn't be seen as challenging or objectionable or suspect at all.

Let's Call it Bare

I haven't done a self portrait challenge in a while, but for some reason, I thought I'd jump back in this month when the theme is nude. Hmmm, let's not examine that particular nugget too much, shall we?

This is a completely untouched photo, well not completely really honestly, just resized and cropped for modesty's sake. I really liked the shadows in this one.

I chose these pictures as they show the sunlight as bare and naked, and bending towards me. I also liked the balance of figure to sky/tree.

And then just to see how I look in purple.

Sixteen Absurd Suns

I got sun burned on our recent beach camping trip. And now that my face is done peeling, I'm left with that first blush of tan for the year. I keep seeing myself in the mirror and wondering why I look healthier. Isn't that funny how tan=healthy in our minds? And knowing what we know about skin cancer tan is the opposite of healthy, right?! Absurd!

I of course know that sunburn and tanning is exactly the wrong thing I should be doing with my skin, especially at this age. But I live in California, this is how I've been conditioned by my fellow traveler's here in this very sunny state. I have the example of my mother who has religiously applied sunscreen for as long as I can remember (I guess 30 years!) and her skin looks wonderful (not just for her age, but for any woman over say 40). So I know I should apply sunscreen. And usually when I know I'm going to be out in the sun for a while, I do manage to remember to do this crucial step. But I don't use it every day like I'm supposed to.

But I worry about the interaction of the medications I'm on, with the acne skin stuff I use, and the sunscreen. I don't know why, but I do. Something I read somewhere lodged in the worry section of my brain (which seems to be getting larger every damn year) and now I wonder/worry/fret about that. Which may lead to me not using sunscreen as consistently as I should. Absurd!

And yes skin cancer does "run in my family". So I really should get over my sunscreen worry right? Or at least wear a hat more frequently. I'll try really I will, I promise, just as soon as I get a bit more of a tan this year. Absurd!

So here is my self portrait for the month of absurdity on selfportrait challenge, considering the absolute absurdity of simultaneous sun worshipping, tan coveting, skin cancer fearing, acne product using, sun bleached hair loving, outdoors living, sunscreen toxicity worrying, vitamin D needing.

News Eyes

For my first political self portrait for this month's SelfPortraitChallenge I'm trying to illustrate my angst and worry about Hillary Clinton getting the nomination or not getting the nomination. I am showing the furrowed brow, the long distance eyes, and the bags and dark circles, all part of the package. I could show my fingers on the keyboard as I go from political blog to political blog, soaking in all the news. Or my ears listening to NPR as all the posturing and analyzing goes on. On Tuesday the headline in the San Jose Mercury News read: "Is this Clinton's Last Day?" and then on Wednesday after the Ohio and Texas primaries it read: "Still Alive".

I'll be honest. I go back and forth several times a day. These two candidates are virtually identical on the issues (neither is progressive enough for me, but I'm over that) and one of them must win if our country is to start turning away from the edge of the cliff we're hurtling towards.

First I'm wanting so badly to have someone of my generation to be president, with newer ideas, less entanglements with the past and some actual inspiration and vision for the future.

Then I think (perhaps too much, perhaps wrongly) that this might be the last time in my lifetime there is a chance for a woman to become president. I want that so badly, it is a clutching raw visceral reaction, I experience it as a racing heart and sinking stomach. This might be it. If she doesn't win, there might not be another chance for a very long time (think of how long ago Geraldine Ferraro was nominated as VP!)

I admire Hillary Clinton and despise her in equal amounts. Intellectually I know she would be a great president and knows how to play the game to get things done, but that is exactly what makes me despise her. Weird huh? But I don't see how she can actually get there, back to the White House, sitting in the big chair of power. There are so many on the other side who hate her, just plain hate her. I don't think that she could overcome that and be a president for our whole country. And that is what we need. Someone that can get more than 51% of the public on the team, pulling for the success of our country all together.

The primary season can't end soon enough for me.

Blues Challenged

For the self portrait challenge this month the theme is blue. I don't have a lot of blue in my decor, but...then...the sun was shining into the kitchen and I caught a glimpse of myself in the vase as I washed it that morning. So I grabbed my camera and I took these pictures. I think I like the second one best.

I'll Take Three

Here I am Celebrating a new camera! Just 10 minutes ago my refurbished Canon SD900 arrived. Hooray!!
And I assembled it, and snapped some reflective pics. I'm psyched that the battery came already charged!.
This is the replacement for the SD600 that bit the dust on the way to holiday celebrations. Poor thing couldn't retract the lens. I was going to just have them fix it, but it was only about $30 more to get this refurbished new super zoomy model. Woohoo 10 megapixels, watch out! The screen is enormous. And there are some new buttons, so I may actually have to read the owner's manual...
My first post for SelfPortraitChallenge this year. Did you see all 3 reflections of me??

Crabby Celebrations and Discipline

Sometimes you just have to Celebrate! With a New Year crab of course, it being the season for it and all. And when you're done digging out all that succulent meat, it is hard to resist making something out of the leavings. Let's just say that the cats were following around a certain someone for quite a while after this funny picture was taken. I was worried they'd be pouncing on him during the night and chewing on his fingers.. Turns out it is hard to get the crab scent off the skin once you've donned the shell and worn it around the house for a while. Never boring around here, letmetellyou.

I did make my traditional lentils and sausage (the Italian version of blackeyed peas for New Year's Day), but it got eaten up too quickly before I remembered to snap a picture. It wasn't particularly beautiful, but it sure was yummy. The lentils represent coins, aka abundance, bounty, lots o' moolah. Sounds good to me!

The other tradition for New Years' around here is blindly choosing a word out of the bag and then concentrating on that word for the year to come. We have this list that we got from Lunaea years ago, and all four of us choose a word. Mine this year is DISCIPLINE. Everyone else got nice and easy fluffy-bunny kinda words, not me man, I'm all about the hardline, hard-core stuff this year. I was feeling kinda negative and down about it really, like I need any help whatsoever beating myself up with my slack-i-tude and sluggish production...Then my friend and sister-priestess Rue posted her new year word with the visual thesaurus. Wow did that ever turn me right around. I hadn't thought to look up the word at all, just went with negative immediately, and I was really glad to have investigated the meaning(s) of the word.

Yes, of course there are some negative definitions to the word discipline (punishment, correction to gain control or enforce obedience). There are some neutral ones like system of rules. But then there are some much more positive leaning defnitions such as training (by instruction or practice) field of study, bailiwich, branch of knowledge and my favorite training to improve strenth or self-control. Well who doesn't need that?! Of course I do, probably everyone does, right? So, armed with a new spin on things I'm now much happier with the word that will help define and shape my year to come.

Luckily I had already signed up for Gabrielle Swain's Creative Sparks class which runs for the first six months of the year. And she strikes me as someone who really *gets* discipline as it applies to the life of an artist. Already she's got me working in my studio everyday (must show up!) and that is a huge deal compared to last year let me tell you! So I guess I was already primed for this year to be one founded on discipline.

Wearing Out

What we wear. The theme of self portrait challenge this month. These are pictures from the dog walk this morning. Taken with the camera on my phone which was a little blurry smeary this cold AM.

So, to describe the outfit of the day:

I'm wearing my very very old, ready to be retired red fleece pullover. It is no longer soft and comfy, it is becoming scratchy, so it will be replaced. I love to wear red. I chose it because it was already out and sitting on the chair when we scrambling to get out the door this morning.

Underneath I've got a brand new white tee-shirt which has the football roster and logo for my son's team. It isn't a men's tee, it is a women's so it is cut differently and I think I like it, at first it seemed tight, but now I'm used to it and like how it looks.

Then I've got black "sport" knit pants from Land's End, my newer ones that actually have some stretch and elasticity remaining. They are so comfy and look pretty flattering I think. Except for, I know and recognize that I should really really throw out the completely used up ones that make me look like a schlump.

Boring grey and black Joe Boxer ankle socks and my earth shoes. I wasn't planning on walking the dog, she talked me into on the way back from my morning bus run of dropping off kids at school. Otherwise I'd have had my tennies on. It was pretty cold out, so I wished I had my gloves or hat. But Zelda got me to walk pretty quickly to warm up.

I have to admit right up front, I don't wear very exciting clothing. I never really have, even when I was younger. I also used to really care about what I wore, I find that now, I truly don't care about it much. I have other things that are of primo importance in my life. I think that is something that does change for a lot of women as they age.

It sure would be easier to be Zelda the wonder dog. Dressed up for her involves a bandana. And it isn't even her idea, never crosses her mind to put on something besides her collar. How nice would that be? Not that I'd be comfy being a nudist in a non-nudist world...

I am all about comfort at this point. Because of the illness that I have, there are physical issues that I have to accommodate, mainly no binding waistbands allowed. And of course with my body shape, I really should have a defined waistline, in order to not look like the proverbial brick house. Oh well!

Then there are the preferences that I've ended up with at this point in my life. I find that I gravitate to mostly cotton, soft knits, natural fibers. Anything with colors that I like, that is what I choose to wear.
I don't see a lot of people, or interact with them on a daily basis in a professional setting, so that freedom from wearing business suits or *gasp* pantyhose is definitely not missed! Oh and here is a kaleidoscope made out of one of these pictures, just because.

What are you wearing??

Leek Forest

Here I am peering through the forest of leeks at the last week of examining my relationship with food for self portrait challenge. Obviously from all of these pictures I've posted this month, I have a pretty lighthearted approach to food. Even silly perhaps. But not really, I'm just relaxed about it.

I think that our culture is food-phobic and food-obsessed at the same time. And separating myself from all the hoo-haw surrounding eating the "right food"all the time, or consuming the smallest amount of calories to stay alive, or worrying about grams of fat or fiber or whatever hot topic of the day, has kept me really a lot healthier in both body, mind and my overall relationship to food than a whole lot of people.

Sure I eat junk food, just like anyone else. But I also really really enjoy it when I do. I don't feel guilty about it, but I thoroughly sink into the experience of the salty flavor of a bag of chips, or the smooth heavy coolness of a great dark chocolate bar. That is the difference I think. Not that you are giving yourself "permission" (?!) to eat what you want. More that you not only take responsibility for what you eat AND even more importantly you Pay Attention to what you eat.

Here are some of my techniques for paying attention to what I'm eating:
I know myself, I can't pay attention to what I'm eating when I eat and read or watch tv. I'm a good multi-tasker, but I'm not that good. So I know to only eat boring stuff then (like cereal in the am). But even then I still try to bring my attention around to it once I've woken up a little.

I talk to myself. "Wow that was a really tart pomegranate. I really love that flavor. And the color is just so beautiful." The inner dialogue helps me wake up to the experience of what I'm consuming.

I Try to use all my senses. "That bunch of bananas sure smell good, I'm glad that we can eat bananas all year around, I wonder what it would be like to climb a banana tree and eat them right there?"
"These leeks are so yummy smelling, not too oniony and kind of grassy, and I can still smell the soil on the bottom. I love how they look sliced up with their translucence and circular pattern. They make such a crinkly and squeaky sound when I hold the bunch tightly"

I think about how the plant grows, I've seen by my personal gardening experience, how different plants grow when they are pampered versus ignored versus rushed or planted at the wrong time. This is why I find the organic produce we get from our CSA at Camp Joy so superior to giant grocery chain produce. The people who grow it have a personal relationship with the plants, the soil they grow in, and a real stake in the process.

I also consider how the animal lives. I've noticed how different our eggs from our own chickens look and taste from the factory farmed ones. It is important to me to eat humanely produced food. Also, the chicken and beef that is farmed in this manner just taste better. I suppose the stress and fear hormones have something to do with this. Makes sense huh?

I wonder how the food gets to me. Who farmed or raised it. Who picked it? What were their lives like? It isn't just majicked onto my kitchen counter. The whole process is indeed crucial to how we are going to make these changes in how the world lives or dies.

Do I do all of this everytime? Of course not! But I find when I do even one of these practices, the experience of the food for me is more well-rounded, I feel fuller because I eat slower and I am happier in general because I've used my brain. To sum up, since we've got to eat something to stay alive, we might as well enjoy it!

Oppressive Apple Influx of '07

On to the topic of the month, relationship with food for Self Portrait Challenge. I have a love/hate thing going with apples at the moment. We are absolutely overflowing and overrun with them, and I feel oppressed. Imagine that, oppressed by apples.

Our mini apple orchard (5 trees) decided to overproduce this year, and so did our weekly CSA basket from Camp Joy. Guess it was good apple production weather. The blossoms bloomed, and then we didn't have the usual storms blowing off half of them before they could be pollinated. And maybe the bees all came over here to escape the sudden bee hive death syndrome happening everywhere else. Who knows. All I know, is that I have a hellauva lot o' apples. They are taking over my kitchen, in piles, boxes and bags.

Just make some pie you say? I don't particularly care for pie (call me weird, I know). And I'm not up to making applesauce.

What to do...I am going to dehydrate some in my dehydrator. I can sit down while I do that. And my friend Bitter Betty, recommends preparing enough for a pie filling, and then freezing them in bags, which I can also manage. That will get rid of most of them I think. And then the family won't get sick of having apple pie every freaking week. "Oh man, more pie!?" sheesh, spare me people!

So, there it is, I am feeling rather Evil Queen-ish (note the mug) about apples which represent beauty truth and sweet life. Poison apple anyone?

Gone Bananas

More thoughts on my relationship with foods for Self Portrait Challenge.


Another fruit today, not so exotic or unusual as my first two. The very mundane banana. We take it for granted that they are always available in our stores here in the US, but we don't really ever think about where or how they are grown, or how very far they travel to us. In college I took a lot of political economy and sociology classes, especially about Central America, and learned about the origin of the phraase Banana Republic (no, not the chain of stores!). Let's just say, we're lucky to have the banana available, and we ought to examine Fair Trade vs. Free Trade in relation to the lowly banana.





Do you remember this cheer from High School?

Go! Bananas!

B A N A N A S

Go! Bananas!

B A N A N A S

I guess I just have bananas on my mind.


I will admit this actually felt really good, go ahead try it, you know you wanna. The comforting weight of the bananas and the coolness of their sking and the shape conforming to your head so nicely. Perhaps it would be a good home remedy for headaches?













I've always marveled at how much like a human hand bananas look. The 5 bananas you get at the store is actually called a "hand". These pictures just highlight that for me.













The best banana I ever ate was picked right off the tree in Jamaica. When we peeled it open it was so very very yellow inside, and the taste just about knocked me over. It was like eating five bananas all at once, really intense. I guess the way the banana trade works, the banana farmers in warmer climes pick the bunches absolutely green, and they ripen up a little bit in transit to our stores here, just not the same as fresh. Like any other fruit or vegie really, just think homegrown vs. store bought tomatoes.


As I was holding this bunch of bananas I realized the curve really fits well against the human body. Plus this is a good background, my vegie flannel nightshirt.

Food Issues #2

Second time around for Self Portrait Challenge this month, all about Food Issues.
I don't have nearly as many food issues as I used to. Thankfully there aren't as many "don't" foods for me anymore.
Back when I used to diet, there were a lot of forbidden foods, which led to all manner of sneakiness, and bingeing. What a huge waste of time and energy! I'm so thankful that I have matured enough to realize that what I eat is important to how my body and mind function. That I'm not "getting away with something" when I eat junk food. I'm in charge of what I put into my mouth, no one is force feeding me or making me choose certain foods. If I have a craving for something, I figure it is my body telling me I need something that is contained in that food.
It is all a manner of balance and proportion now. When I have too much of one thing I don't feel well, so I try to eat a wide variety. And I also am able to not overeat, a hard thing in this land of plenty and bounty.
This picture shows me enjoying a pomegranate (yes I know to eat just the seeds, this was just for picture taking purposes). I Loved how this looked like a starfish, or pentacle (eating wealth!) or sand dollar. This brightness filter really made it stand out more than the original picture.