Pre-Blog Vacation

So, I'm supposed to be in Sweden right now. I was going to accompany my husband on his annual trip to Europe for a work conference. We were going to rent a car and go drive around Norway, do some troll hunting, enjoy the scenery.

But I'm not.
Because I couldn't even walk through the airport right now, much less tolerate sitting in the car to get there. And the thought of sitting in a seat on a long flight is inconceivable right now.
I am once again using a cane to get around. Taking the stairs one painful step at a time.

For the third time in my life a tumor has grown in my left femur near my hip.
In the exact same place.
The first time was way back when I was 17, before blogs were even a thing! But I talked about this back in 2010 after I had my second go-round. And then in 2013 when I had the titanium parts removed.

It's unfortunately been a thing for pretty much my whole life. At least it wasn't a cancerous tumor either time, or I'd probably not be here. I'm assuming the same thing now. But I actually don't know that for sure yet...and I try not to think about that possibility too much.

Unfortunately the pain is sometimes approaching childbirth-levels.
For those of you who know that experience personally, especially if you had an unmedicated birth, we tend measure pain after that as "oh it's not as bad as childbirth!"
Well this is.
And it's not a short-term, over with at least the bonus of a brand-new baby in your arms kind of thing. It's going on and on, getting worse with every step I make myself take. Gosh it's hard to write that down. I try so hard to push it away and not dwell on it, or think about it too much, but that's the reality.

Most likely treatment is that I'm going to get a hip replacement done. But I'm in waiting to see the fancy doctor at Stanford Hospital mode. So grateful to have the insurance coverage to get to go there again. It makes me dissolve into horrified tears every time I try to imagine not having insurance and going through something like this (again.)

So this time, I'm telling you about it ahead of time. But it's hard to post this, really hard. I'm trying to do things differently this time. Last time I didn't tell people until it was almost all over with. Trying to distract myself with short bursts of sewing and writing here. When I disappear from blog-land again, you'll know why this time. But I'll be back, I'm pretty stubborn that way.